so much motherchaandni(1) in front and many more on back. so much duty that duty double(2)! no sasuraar. But o mi switty no more pitty(3). and all effing graduate! but what sadness on graduate such fate hallam tenny date po-ma-ma mate on beady(4) plate. cannot take.

but what nice sonnet of the mondal! with ophelia(5) in tow! oh so wow!

bestestest toppestest.

also speaking of toppestest, my Head(6) best and strongest. Happy times here one more time and now see our jolly selves strut across corry corry doory.

neuralgia tablet make me speed oh so nice it feel. but so much missing of bangla do i.

new eclairs by Cadbury taste better than old Eclairs by Cadbury. Many not spot difference so subtell it be. all non eaters(7).

i have many many thing more to say but cannot. because i believe in deferral(8).

NOTES:

1) There can be two kinds of 'Motherchaandni', frontal and backkal. We live in times of Solar Eclipse, which increases Lunar importance.

2)When you have to do two kinds of motherchaandni.

3)The sasuraar evokes fear, the switty evokes pitty. So there you have tradegy.

4)Plastic beads, yellow beads, blue beads, orange beads, crow beads...

5)Ophelia of Bardhaman fame who walked into Bintu Dey's pukur in white thaan singing lewd Bhojpuri songs.

6)Salt and Pepper.

7)Who will be deep fried in lard down down down below.

8) Refer to next note.

But I hate you so much, it is just not funny. Strangely enough, I do not feel sad now. Nor angry. Just a deep deep sense of disgust. It is true that I feel bad. Feeling bad is ok, I know that. But I feel abandoned. Sad. Alone. And all because of a few scraps and a phone call. This is a strange thing. But I swear so bad that I am never never going to return. No.

But sometimes, just sometimes, I feel that things would have been great if it had not turned out this bad. And if I had a loud/ obnoxious/ insane/ quirky or whatever family. Maybe. I did not will it this way. This wretched feeling of weakness strengthens me.

When I miss somethings, I turn to other things. And therefore, like always, I am going to convince myself that I am fine. Only that the trick gets cheaper everyday. And I am running out of distractions.