Merry Christmas

Heh. Merry Christmas. I mistyped Christmas as 'Christmans' and Crisstmas'. But that is because I am slightly drunk. I generally don't get drunk on three large pegs, but with the festive spirit and all the laughing with Raju and Rupesh, in the name of Christ, I am drunk. Slightly. But I have been acting quite stupid. Tee Hee. The Fantastic Mother thinks I have had whiskey. I refute. I have had rum. 

Another year is almost over. Time is slippery. It is like biulir daal. So damn funny man. It seems like yesterday when I ran after my friends for something as stupid as a tie pin or a refill. Gawd. And now my good friends, the Bhringi, the Bimbo, the Bhnodu... all of them are fucking graduates!!! 

Realization. I have friends who are graduates and in all probability, I will be one soon. (Although MadMad will beg to differ)     

Right now, at this very moment, I feel quite happy. That is because my mother has had a good birthday, my good buddy is back in town and we will party like crazy and whatever. Actually, I feel quite good about life. Somehow, I want music on my fingertips. Once again. I want to caress the strings. I want it all back.  I was thinking about music today. Somehow, I feel that it is the fear of not being as good as before that holds me back. Maybe it is not anger or whatever shit it was at all. I am scared, slightly. What if I am unable to play? I am rusty. But I have to admit, there is nothing, absolutely nothing in the world that thrills me more than weaving music out of thin air. The making of a brand new alaap, now cautious, like treading on sand, and then flippant, almost cavalier in spirit. And then the tehai, the energy that can drive you crazy. The crescendo. The gentle yet firm cajoling of the strings for the meend...

I want it back. I will be back. Someday soon. 

I have made new friends. I have lost old friends. I have cared about people. I have loved people.I have bitched my heart out I have smoked my lungs off I have hated my guts out I have shouted I have screamed I have fought I have hugged... 

All of us. All of us do all these things. It is nothing special. But it is so very human. 

I like this little life of mine. Although stupid Facebook says I will die when I am twenty and one old holy man said I will die young, I show my middle finger and my left butt and my big toe in my right foot to them. I give a damn. I will live and live fine till the time I stop living. I don't want to write that word here. Just. 

I love my friends and whatever family I have. 

Tonight, I drank to absent friends. I miss you all. 

Tonight, I want my music back. 

Tonight, mother, I am home. 

Tonight, I want to tell you that I will always take care. Yes, when you are old. 

Tonight, I want to tell all my friends, you who jump all the time like a monkey and you the giraffe and you who are the pink pig and you the moody mother like and you the thin dog and you the Dodo and you the Seventh Rhino and you the Birsa Munda and you the wannabe rockstar with long hair and you the one in trouble now and you the one with nine stitches in your left armpit and you the little one who takes taxi rides back home and you and you and you... I love you all. 

Tonight, I will talk to you, the wise one. :)        

Tonight, I hold no grudges. 

Merry Christmas, one and all. Merry Christmas.      

  

P.S: I wrote this last night. Read it once again now. Ki nyaka saala. Now that I am sober, I guess I take back all my words! Go suck! :P